Singer and songwriter, Amy Grant, said one time in an interview that she loves to hear her relatives and friends share generational stories. She believes storytelling is a way to connect generations and preserve memories and hearing those stories influenced her music and life perspective.

So what is a generational story? According to the website, signaturefd.com, “Generational storytelling means passing down stories, experiences, and knowledge from generation to generation. These stories often contain lessons, morals, and insights that can help younger generations develop resilience, which is the ability to adapt and cope with challenges and adversity. It also creates a sense of security and belonging.”

I didn’t hear generational stories when I was growing up. The stories my father told for over five decades did not give me the ability to deal with challenges in life, or provide a feeling of security. I relayed some of the stories he told in my memoir No Hugs Allowed (my search for unconditional love).

“One involved his sister who said something derogatory about him in front of their mother. According to Father, his mother then looked at his sister and said, “Do you want me to take you out of the family will?” After hearing his story for the fifty-thousandths time, I eventually asked him, “What horrible words did your sister say?” Father said he didn’t know, and as the years went by, I expected to be taken out of the will–due to little wrongs committed. Father often retold another story about one of his parents. My grandfather died of a heart attack at age 64. Father told me he went to see his dad the night before he passed away, not knowing, of course, that it would be the last visit. “I was the only child who stopped by my father’s house the night before he died, my sisters weren’t there,” he said, with pride in his voice. As I continued to hear his stories about conditional love, with no happy endings, I wanted to say, “And your point is?” No one could attain, or measure up, to his kind of love. One screw up, and in his book, you were history.” (pg. 19)

When my two sisters, mother, and brother in-law read the reviews of my memoir on Facebook, they unfriended me, one by one. This was around the time I was promoting my memoir in October 2023. My father has never been on social media, but I knew once my story released there would be permanent repercussions. I didn’t let that reality keep me from telling my raw story in hopes it helps both men and women who have been in or are in painful dysfunctional relationships. I’ve accepted the fact that no earthly birthright will be given to me this side of heaven.

As native South-African speaker, and author, John Sheasby put it, “Daddy was a good man, but I never knew at what moment my behavior would cause him to erupt in anger and whip me. How could you draw near to such a father? How could you trust him? How could I be sure that some act of disobedience on my part might not cause him to withhold his blessing or unleash his wrath? (The Birthright, pg. 66)

It’s amazing the length God will reach to meet us where we are with spot-on detail when we give Him our circumstances, uncertainty, feelings and doubts. Recently, I’ve discovered encouraging scriptures, from three books-Deuteronomy, Joshua and Judges, verses not noticed before even though I’ve read through the entire Bible multiple times.

During the spring and summer months of 2024, one word kept jumping off the pages as I sat in what I call the secret place in our downstairs den, where I journal, read and pray before dawn breaks.

But after a while I got tired or reading this specific word over and over. I remember thinking–God you know how insecure father’s stories made me feel about the future and you also know how far I’ve come in my healing journey. What do you want me to grasp? What are you saying to me?

This particular word is found in Deuteronomy 26 times, and 54 times in Joshua as well as 9 times in Judges, and it’s used hundreds of times throughout scripture. What specific word am I referring to? Drum roll please.

It’s the word inheritance, and it means more than the transmission or possession of goods, not acquired personally but given by a previous possessor. In the three old-testament books mentioned above, it refers to specific regions of land given by God to different tribes of the Israelites.

I love finding stories in the Bible that don’t get much attention. Characters you don’t hear mentioned often. I had never heard of the man Jephthah, found in Judges chapter eleven.

Judges 11:1-3 reads:

“Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a mighty man of valor, but he was the son of a harlot; and Gilead begot Jephthah. Gilead’s wife bore sons; and when his wife’s sons grew up, they drove Jephthah out, and said to him, “You shall have no inheritance in our father’s house, for you are the son of another woman.” (NKJV)

It is believed that Jephthah was multi-racial, half-Canaanite, and his mother was a prostitute. His half-brothers kicked him out of his father’s house.

But his life wasn’t over just because he had no inheritance. Jephthah was a great leader and warrior. So how does the Bible address people today who have no inheritance?

Deuteronomy 18:2b reads, “The Lord is their inheritance, as He said to them.” (NKJV) And when I read that, it was like God was saying to me, “Nelson, I am your inheritance! I got you!”

As father kept retelling the story of his mother threatening to take his sister out of the family will, it felt like he was using that story to control me to perform or act a certain way. And if I didn’t, I feared being kicked out of the family.

I was also struck by something else father used to talk about: his personal salvation. More than once, when we were alone, he would share how he was afraid he would lose his standing or salvation before God because of his sins. It’s like he had no answer for the question-can a person lose their salvation?

I would always say in response, “If you can’t earn your salvation (and no one can) then you can’t lose it. When a person accepts Jesus and His atonement for their sins, their name is written in the Lamb’s book of life as it says in Revelation 3:5b, “I will not erase his name from the book of life, and I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels.” (NASV)

It is ironic that father repeatedly told a story about a family member who was almost taken out of his parent’s will, but inwardly he was afraid he himself wouldn’t have any inheritance in God’s family.

And in God’s kingdom we are promised an eternal inheritance, one no man can take away. That glorious fact should give each of us eternal hope and security. Praise the living Lord! Is your security in an earthly inheritance or a spiritual one?

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